Updated: Dec 6, 2019
Manage the RELATIVE CHANGES the Festive Holiday Horrors can bring - with Mind Chi!
This is the third in the series of articles with practical ideas for managing the Festive
Holiday Horrors. One of the most dreaded of the holiday stressors are the pressures which may be felt by the relative interaction exchanges. I hope this provides some support, reminders and assistance.
3. The RELATIONS Festive Holiday Horror and the Mind Chi way to overcome
Dealing with all these RELATIONS / friends / crowds
One of the aspects of the Festive Holiday Horrors that can really make us cringe,
has to do with dealing with the people, and especially RELATIONS. To broaden this,
we will also include: RELATIONS with... office / work / neighbourhood / family / shopping crowds / religious gatherings and all others.
You may be in a situation where you really do not 'like' your relatives, yet over the
holidays there are the forced get togethers. You may feel 'obliged' to either
be the host or the attendee at numerous potentially onerous gatherings. This
can add enormous strain on you and them too! One of the reactions to this may
be that you eat and drink too much, just to help you get through it.
There are the tug-of-wars, 'You ate with them LAST year, now it’s our turn!' 'What about MY side of the family?!' The question is how to divide yourself between the in-laws and the out-laws. The ones that you are obliged to see may be your least favourite. You can’t change your relations easily, however, you may be able to change how you feel about getting together. At least in the short term.
Then there is the other side of the coin, those of you who do NOT have RELATIONS of
any sort, either by choice or circumstance. Now people are asking, 'What are you doing over the holidays?' And you may have a painful ache that you are alone. Then you are afraid that they will feel sorry for you and think that they need to invite you. Very difficult!
These may not be new changes, but they are exacerbated by the frenzy of the season,
however, remember, it is all over in a few days!! And for just a few days, you can find a way to make it work. You can probably add some more RELATIONS Festive Holiday Horrors as well. So, what to do?
Mind Chi Festive Holiday Happiness - SAY 'NO!'
You may not think that is a great way to create good relationships, remember can’t do anything to change others, however, you CAN make some easy and profound changes for how YOU respond. And sometimes that can have a positive knock-on effect.
Begin by taking some time to reflect on what YOU really want. Sometimes if you remove the feeling that you MUST do this or that and think fresh about the person or action, you can decide that you actually, on balance, DO want to do it. Now it is on YOUR terms and amazingly, just that little shift can make it feel much better. You are taking positive action, rather than just robotically re-acting.
This next suggestions may sound a bit morbid, but if someone close should die, would you have any remorse because you had always been ‘Too busy’ to have a coffee or chat? If the answer is ‘No!’ then you have more freedom; if the answer is ‘Yes!’ then you may
choose to make seeing them more important to you.
To help you to make the changes necessary, Mind Chi steps 3 & 4 – rewind the past
24 hours can be useful to build positive relationships. First minute consider
where you wish you might have improved something you said or did, so that you
can put the new response in place for the next time. And to balance that, the next minute is to congratulate yourself every time you did do or say things to build a successful
relationship. This can have a wonderfully positive outcome and lead to lasting
Then, do your best to group several parties or visits together, if possible, this way
you get dressed up once. It also means you cannot stay TOO long or eat and drink too much as you are expected at the next place.
PLEASE have a designated NON-drinker with you, so you may drive safely. Manage
and space the gatherings by having a ‘New Year in June’ party! Or an ‘After-holidays – bring your leftovers party!’ Then look at all you have been invited to and prioritise them, using your criteria: e.g. most fun; best food; great dancing; interesting party; want to see their house; love the people; super venue etc.!! How they are spaced on your calendar? Decide how many you can afford, time-wise; calorie-wise; drinks-wise; sanity-wise, and select the most important for you. Fit the others in as you feel is best, then speedily
send your regrets to the others, so they know how to plan.
This is most important, have a conversation with the relatives / friends that are expecting time with you, if you are really stretched, in any way, time, money or emotions, be honest and ask for their help. How can they assist you to manage the pressure? Can you visit them a week or month later? Have an extendo-holiday and celebrate with them on that special occasion?
Festive seasons past also impact the attitude of your relatives, are they a ‘Come all’
‘Big bash’ ‘All stops out’ or a ‘Bah humbug’ ‘I hate the holidays’ sort?
Respect their pasts and seek to make space for all to find a place where they can be comfy, or hide away for a while, a little compromise might mean all are happier.
Whenever, for your own sanity and happiness you feel you need to say ‘No!’ please do it
as nicely and considerately as you are able. Asking for assistance and offering to make it easy for them to also regain some Festive Holiday Happiness may be a blessing for you both. In all cases you’ll find your stress is decreased, because you have grabbed the reins of control of YOU, your time and your life.
To recap, the 8 positive actions for Mind Chi Festive Holiday Happiness to overcome the Horror of RELATIONS are:
1. Say ‘No!’ – as nicely as you can and with consideration for all.
2. Mind Chi steps 3 & 4 – rewind to improve and recognise relationship successes.
3. Stop and think about what YOU really want.
4. Do what you want and on your terms - act not re-act.
5. Reflect on whether you have fulfilled your ‘duty’ should they die.
6. Group, manage and space the various parties and gatherings.
7. Explain your stress to your relations/friends and ask for their help.
8. Plan for extendo-celebrations so you can spread the enjoyment.
The Change Maker Group are people who have mastered the skills for managing change.
They too face the constant change and understand your situation. We provide ‘Smart Mirror Coaching’ an on-demand coaching service that may just be what you need to help you through this time.
Please do contact us with any issues where we may be able to assist firstname.lastname@example.org .
Building your resilience in just 8-minutes a day with the Mind Chi routine can also
boost your strength and ability to find joy in the season, here is a free gift
of the 8 Mind Chi steps: http://www.mindchi.com/mind-chi-basic-8-steps/
For Mind Chi sessions and mentoring, please contact Vanda@MindChi.com
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The next article is about the Festive Holiday Horror of TIME!